My mom has been such a douche lately…she just told me how I’m fucking up my life And fucking up her life with my stupidity! :c why? Because I was late to school the other day, today I forgot to make my bed, and take my medicine…I didn’t mean to do anything wrong…I don’t try to be a horrible daughter…she tells me I’m going no where in life, that no college will take me, that she’s going to trow out all my stuff and she doesn’t even care about anything I do any more…
I can’t stop crying…

The desire to be water.

An option of evaporation,

To desert things unpleasant;

I’ll take the world on,

I cant be held down.

I shan’t be contained,

Nor lost,

Nor destroyed,

Not for long.

The fear to be water,

Desertion is a life style,

Close to a ruse of smoke.

To become puddle bound,

Following an ocean of lust,

Pressured through currents.

Peers who push misfortune,

And tears that scare off satisfaction.

The desire to be water.

The need to be new,

The need to begin again.

An option of evaporation.

…oops…

i fucking hate her, so i haven’t done much. shes rude, and racist. and yeah. i deleted the msg she left, like four minutes before my mom got home. oh dear lord. i’m so scared that she may have called my moms cell phone also…. suighhhh >.<

i really have to pee… THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!! rofl

so i just realized that today is friday.. that means walking dead on sunday! omg omg omg omg omg i’m crying guiseee!! i love this show.. soo… much… sniffle<3

well its a basic story. when i feel something, i’m bound to say something eventually. i know its stupid. i know i shouldn’t. sometimes i know the problems it would uproot, and i really wont want to say it, but well i said it anyway…

and i guess its not so much that i regret saying what was on my mind? but i’m scared of the answer and the response.

ugh i dunno what i’m going to do >.< i seem to be on some form of a roll lately with ruining everything around me.

Maybe? C:

i feel like i don’t even want to do anything fun or good or beneficial for myself. i don’t deserve anything good, so why should i even be desiring anything? i don’t deserve that either. i just want to crawl into a corner gulp down a few drinks and cry /: i don’t even know what to do with myself…. but ughhhhh i don’t even know anymore. fuck fuck fuck fuck fuckk!!!

first off, i’m sitting on a stool at my computer, and its wayyy too tall, so its super uncomfortable, but i honestly dont want to go get my normal chair, even though its only across the room… lol

okay, so now i’m just going to go right into it. i have been talking to this guy for a few months, and i have started falling for him, of course, and i mean there was no real problem. he’s great, and sweet and he just has so many features and characteristics that i admire in a guy, from the things he says to the shape of his smile and the names he calls me, the honesty he has, and just the things he’s into.

idk where i’m really going with this, but, idk he was able to make me feel special, and i actually believed him,and he would tell me that he felt for me, he would share his desires with me, and i feel like he trusted me, i guess? and actually cared. and i know i tent to get attached really easily, but he really is great and. i’m actually scared to write more here cause its making me happy and sad at the same time and i think that might be too awkward of a combination for me. but idunno…

well i think he hates me now, and i have no idea what to do, because i don’t know what i did wwrong :C and he seems to ignore me half the time now… i’m not ready to lose him, i don’t want to. i haven’t even had the chance to have him yet, and i really hope i still have a chance. it is killing me inside to know he doesn’t like me anymore? and it just feels so sudden, and i just really want to talk to him, more then anything, for like hours like we used to. i hate this hate this hate this :C 

so many people unfollowed me.. i’m going to go cry :C well… i’m back! and kinda meh, and upset. got things on my mind so i’ll probably be posting about that in a bit :C

anyone want to be my tumblr valentine? any takers? maybe? yes? no? 

no? oh… that works too! ill just make my tears my valentine, i love them, its okay xDD

my mom is just being super pissy. i mean, in my opinion i have been making a huge improvement from my old ways. i do better work, i do things on my own, and she knows and sees me trying. but its like when i do things better, thats when she gets on my case more, and its like everyday i cant even chill with her or do anything at all without her getting all irritated with me, even when i just ask a normal question she has to raise her voice for no reason at all, and she keeps threatening me. and i have to get a new box of candy because at my school we can sell candy to pay for senior dues, but i lost and kinda spent the money i needed to give for the new box, and she just keeps yelling at me and threatening me for not getting it and its like the only wrong thing ive done. and i dont know how to tell her and i just feel like crap cause if im so much of a dumbass and i cant do anything right then why the fuck did she have me? i mean its not like i sit here and try to be a horrible child, and i mean i wish i could do everything perfect and shit so she could be happy but i cant! i mean who can? everyone makes mistakes, but people dont have to sit and call you out on every mistake and make you feel bad or laugh about it or emphasize it every god damn day. i dont understand it, and i dont think its fair at all, i just want to yell at her and say i’m sorry, i never meant to be such a disappointment, i dont know how not to be. and it seems i’m the root of everyone problem lately. i dont know what to do with myself i wish i wasnt in everyone’s way..

so i haven’t seen the first season, but i just finished the second xD i know, that’s stupid, but yesterday they only had stuff from season two so i said what the hell. and then i kept watching, and i mean i pretty much know what happened before, and i’m gonna go back and watch season one. but oh shit… my mind is currently jumbled like hell by that ending and i don’t even know whats going on anymore… where am i? haha